Insanity
by Hajime Morikawa
Summary: Ever since they could remember, a day in the life of Sector V was filled with insanity, chaos and mayhem. And Wally and Kuki's wedding day was no exception. /Number 12 of the 100 Theme Challenge, 3x4/


**Insanity**

Ever since they could remember, every day throughout the life of Sectors V and W was filled with pure insanity, chaos and mayhem. If it wasn't kicking the behinds of any grown-up or Teen Ninja unfortunate/unintelligent enough to cross their path, it was trying to balance their lives between being tyranny-fighting heroes and respectable, ordinary children (and later, teens and adults) of Gallagher, Cleveland, in the U.S. of A. It wasn't a walk in the park, to say the least.

And today – which happened to be the wedding day of a certain Australian and Japanese – was no exception.

"Kuso!! _Why_ – won't – this – stupid – goddamned – thing – _fit_?!" snarled Mushi Sanban, as she tried to force her bridesmaid gown over her thighs, without much success.

"Mushi, don't swear! We're in a church, for Pete's sake!" Sonya Loussier reproached as she fussed with her hair.

"And that's _Abby's_ dress." Abigail Lincoln said dryly, throwing another dress on Mushi's head, "She wears the two, you wear the eight. You grabbed the _wrong_ one, genius."

"Oh, I can't find the necklace Nigel gave me! Where is it? _Where is it_??" Rachel Mackenzie cried out, now tearing the small room apart in her frenzied search for the piece of jewelry.

Abby snickered. "It's already around your neck, Rachel," the African-American woman pointed out, watching her former Supreme Leader flush with embarrassment. "Now relax before you get a hernia."

"No need to add to the tension, eh Abby?" Cree Lincoln stated, smirking along with her younger sister as her fingers fumbled behind her back in search of her dress's seemingly-elusive zipper. "Erm… could somebody help me out here, please?" she called.

"Where the _hell_ did I put my make-up kit?!" The woman of the hour herself, Kuki Sanban, wailed. Her skirt was hefted up and tied around her knees as she frantically scurried around the room in search of her missing kit.

"It's under here!" Sonya called, throwing aside an extra bridesmaid gown that was lying around the carpeted floor to reveal Kuki's makeup case, which she tossed to Kuki.

"Wait a sec, why do we have an extra dress? Who's missing?" Fanny Drilovsky, née Fulbright, enquired, darting over to the ex-Teen Ninja to help zip her up and nearly tripping over a nearby ottoman in the process.

Rachel pulled a face. "Lizzie," she replied sourly. "She said she wouldn't be 'caught dead' attending the ceremony if I was, along with a few other, ah… _choice words_ that I'll have to refrain from uttering, given our present location."

Instantly Abby's eyes went flat. "Kuki?" she murmured, her boiling anger masked behind a mask of angelic, perfect calm. "Remind Abby to have a really _long_ talkwith Miss Devine… at a later date, of course."

"Okie-dokie… Lizzie, 'very long talk', some other day rather than my wedding day – got it," the bride rattled off, untying the train of her wedding dress from around her knees as she sat down to apply her makeup.

**-XXX-**

"Has anyone seen my tie?! I _know_ I put it down around here _somewhere_!!" Wallabee Beetles exclaimed, flinging aside several pieces of clothing in the room in his search of the desired piece.

"_Screw_ your tie! I can't find my suit!!" Hoagie Gilligan cried. "I've found Lee's, Tommy's and Nigel's, but I can't find mine anywhere!"

From his spot on the couch Tommy Gilligan blushed. "…Err, bro? I think I might be sitting on it," he spoke up hesitantly, and pulled a slightly-rumpled tuxedo, sheathed in plastic complete with hanger out from under him. "Well, whaddya know, I was."

"How're the corsages?" Lee Herrera asked as he strode by, knotting his own tie. "Are they still in the kitchen?"

"Yeah, can somebody help me find my tie? I've got Numbuh 4's." Nigel Uno stated as he held up the article, which was promptly snatched away by the man of the hour.

"To answer your question, Lee… yes, they're still in the kitchen," Paddy Fulbright said calmly, adjusting the lapel of his jacket.

"Ah! _Here_ it is!" the groom called, tossing Nigel his tie. "And for the love of Numbuh Zero, will you PLEASE hurry up, Hoagie?! We have less than an hour before this whole thing _starts_!!"

"All right, all right, I'm going! Sheesh, don't get your underwear in a knot!!" Hoagie retorted testily as he pulled on his black tuxedo pants.

"Hey Lee, mind coming with me to get the corsages?" asked Tommy. "I can't carry them all at once, and I don't want to risk them getting crushed."

"Sure." Lee nodded, and followed the younger Gilligan out of the changing room and towards the kitchen.

As Wally feverishly struggled to put his tie on – and entangling it and his fingers together in the process, Nigel frowned. "Numbuh 4, what on _earth_ are you doing? That's _not_ how you do it," the Brit spoke severely, taking the piece of fabric in his hands and correcting Wally's mistake.

Paddy smirked. "I'd like to see _you_ say that on your own wedding day, Nigel," he drawled, as he smoothed aside some stray auburn hairs. "It's only a case of the nerves, after all."

"Yeah, I can't wait for the day when you get married to Rachel," Wally concurred, an identically evil smirk appearing on his lips. "You'll probably forget how to tie your own _shoelaces,_ never mind your tie_._"

Nigel huffed indignantly. "I assure you, no such thing will happen," he declared, although his face had turned slightly crimson.

"Sure dude, whatever you say," Wally snickered.

**-XXX-**

Cree came bursting in, mobile phone in hand. "Girls, we've got a situation!" she yelled. "I just got off the phone with Mrs. Sanban; she and Mr. Sanban can't make it! He's got tonsillitis!"

"Oh Kami, NO!!" Kuki cried out, crumpling to the floor in despair. "Who's going to walk me down the aisle now? This is a _disaster_!!"

"I'll do it," Mushi volunteered, "I'm the only relative here, so I'll do it."

"But who'll be the maid of honor then?!" Kuki wailed, holding back tears so her makeup wouldn't smear. Instead she settled on hitting her head against a wall to vent her present frustration.

"I thought we already decided on Fanny?" Sonya stated blandly, refusing to add fuel to the proverbial fire.

"Really, Kuki, all this pressure is really starting to addle your brain," stated Rachel, dragging the near-hysterical Japanese woman away from the wall and forcing her into a seating position on the sofa. "A wedding is a time for happiness and joy – take a chill pill, girl."

Kuki looked up at Rachel with a blank expression on her face that swiftly turned into a fierce scowl. "I am _so_ going to point and laugh at you on _your_ wedding day, when you're nothing but a messed-up jumble of nerves," she muttered, sticking out her lower lip as far as it would allow her, "…Ex-Supreme Leader or not."

"That'll have to wait," Abby said calmly, adjusting her hair slightly in the mirror, "Today, however, is all about _you_."

"I've got the bouquets, girls," Fanny called, as she re-entered the bridal chamber, the precious cargo in her hands, "Here's yours, Cree… and Sonya's… Kuki's, of course… Mushi's… mine…Abby's… and Rachel's."

"Oh! That's right!" Mushi said, hitting her fist against her palm, "I'd better go tell the guys about the sudden change in plans."

"Sure thing, Mushi; just don't start playing tonsil hockey with Tommy, all right?" Sonya teased. In response Mushi stuck out her tongue at her, rolling her eyes as she exited the room.

**-XXX-**

"Alright, everybody ready to go?" Wally asked, just as a knock came at the door. He strode over and flung it open. "It's about time, Ichiro-san, Miyuki-san! Where have you bee – _huh?!_"

For standing in the doorway was not his future parents-in-law as he expected, but Mushi, her hand raised to knock again. "There's been a slight change in plans, guys," she said serenely. "I'll be walking Kuki down the aisle instead; 'Tou-san's fallen ill, so he and 'Kaa-san can't come."

"WHAT?!" spluttered Wally, his face turning white as a sheet as the younger Sanban sister turned on her heel, "_What did you just say?!_"

"Just thought you ought to know," Mushi replied evenly, flashing Tommy a flirtatious wink and grin before she walked off back in the direction of the bridal chamber.

Hoagie sighed. "Of course, ain't it _always_ the way," he muttered, standing in front a mirror as he gingerly pinned his corsage to his lapel.

"This is a _nightmare_," Nigel commented dryly, buckling his belt, "And Numbuh 2, straighten your tie."

"I will _not_ panic. Repeat after me… I will _not_ panic. I will _not_ freak out," Wally chanted to himself, massaging his sweat-drenched temples and pacing around the room. "I am _calm_. I am breathing…"

"Really now? You sure don't look calm to me," Tommy noted lazily, already ready to go and reclining on the sofa.

"You're not helping, Tommy," Lee muttered, as Wally looked set to dig a trench in the floor from his constant pacing. Paddy let loose a peeved sigh, walked in front of Wally and grabbed him by the shoulders, bringing the restless blond Australian's pacing to a halt.

"Calm down," the Irishman said evenly. "Take a deep, calming breath. Just remember, Wally: in just two minutes, this will all be over."

"Yeah, you're right; I'm just bei – _TWO MINUTES?!_" thundered Wally, his body snapping around so fast that he nearly got whiplash; the moment his eyes landed on the clock on the wall, they widened into the size of dinner plates. In an instant he snapped into his rarely-shown 'commander' mode. "WHAT THE CRUD ARE YOU ALL JUST STANDIN' AROUND HERE FOR?! GET YOUR ASSES OUT THERE AND INTO POSITION!! MOVE IT, _MOVE IT_, **MOVE IT!!**"

As everyone dashed out of the room in a mad stampede, one thought passed through Hoagie's mind: _When I get married, it's Las Vegas, dude. _All_ the way!_

**-XXX-**

"You look _gorgeous_, onee-chan," Mushi whispered to her sister as they made their way to the front of the church, the familiar melodious organ music of 'The Wedding March' playing around them. Indeed, as they passed them they could hear people whispering about how positively _radiant_ she was.

"Arigatou, Mushi," Kuki whispered back. Presently she looked calm and composed; a far cry from the frazzled state she was in only _moments_ before, back in the bridal chamber. Their speed unwavering they walked towards the altar in front of the church, where her childhood sweetheart, fellow ex-operative – and soon-to-be-spouse – was shyly standing.

"Dearly beloved," began the priest, as soon as the music faded out and the couple were ready, "we have gathered here today to witness the blessed union of Wallabee Dominic Beetles and Kuki Amane Sanban." This was met by a round of nods, smiles and murmurings of approval throughout the church. Kuki gave Wally a love-filled smile through her veil, a gesture which Wally returned.

"Now, who gives this woman away?" the priest enquired, momentarily lifting his gaze from the religious text before him.

Mushi opened her mouth, about to say the words 'I do'…

…Only to be rudely interrupted by a person in the fifth row of pews behind her. "_No one_ does!!"

There was a chorus of shocked gasps, as the clearly disgruntled and oddly familiar-looking man rose to his feet and stormed down the aisle. "Kuki, I will _not_ allow you to marry this – this –!" he spluttered.

"Bastard? Scoundrel? Slimeball? Asshole? Butthead? Jackass?" offered Hoagie helpfully. Around the ex-pilot and 2x4 technology officer the glares of Death™ – especially those from the Beetles family – directed at him grew more toxic with each suggested insult, but given their present location they didn't dare move to strike Abby's beau.

Slowly Wally took a step towards the man, recognition dawning in his jade-green eyes. "I know you," he muttered. "You're –"

"That's _right_, you no-good, thieving, woman-stealing _jackass_!!" the man with shades and blond hair with red-orange highlights, formerly known as The Kid/Teen – and Kuki's ex-boyfriend whom she had ditched years ago – snarled, shooting a grateful look at Hoagie while everyone else stared at him in shock. He jabbed an accusing finger at Wally. "You _stole_ her from me!!"

"…Austin? Austin Forrester, is that you?!" Kuki whispered in a deadly voice. Hot, angry tears threatened to spill from her brown eyes as her wedding day fell crashing to pieces around her, along with her hopes and dreams. "HOW _DARE_ YOU DO THIS TO ME ON MY WEDDING DAY, YOU SCUMBAG!!" she shrieked. "_**GET OUT!!**_"

Beside her Wally was trembling with barely-suppressed rage, looking about ready to throw his old rival out of the building himself. However, Paddy and Tommy were already on it; rolling up their sleeves menacingly they grabbed Austin by the shoulders and proceeded to drag him, kicking and thrashing violently, out of the church. The doors closed with a snap, and pretty soon the sounds of scuffling filtered through.

"Ohh-kay then, moving on, people," Rachel said smoothly, as though the incident just moments ago had never even happened, "Give the bride to her groom, Mushi. Now Father Brendan, if you would be so kind as to repeat the question, please…?"

"Uh… well, umm…" Everyone seemed to be quite disturbed by The Kid's sudden interruption, so the priest decided, quite wisely, that moving on probably was the best option. With a good-natured shrug he cleared his throat and repeated, "Who gives away this woman?"

"I do," Mushi stated peacefully, allowing Wally to move forward and take Kuki's arm before returning to her place amongst the bridesmaids.

Taking out a handkerchief Father Brendan wiped the sweat off his forehead, letting loose a breath before he proceeded into the actual spoken part of the ceremony. When he got to the part where he asked those attending to state their objections to the union – if any – or forever hold their peace, there was a loud cry of "I OBJE –!" from Austin behind the church doors, which was swiftly cut off as he yelled in pain.

Apparently Paddy and Tommy had things well in hand.

"_Nope!_ No objections!" Abby quickly piped up, steering the startled crowd away from the scene outside. "Carry on!"

"Right." The priest nodded, going through the rest of the ceremony, and after several minutes, finally got to the much-awaited exchange of vows. "…Do you, Kuki Amane Sanban, take Wallabee Dominic Beetles to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?" he asked.

Without hesitation the bride answered, "I do."

A benign smile spread across Father Brendan's aged lips. "You may kiss the bride."

The thunderous cheer that resounded throughout the building, as the newlyweds kissed, could probably be heard from the KND Moonbase.

Amidst the clapping crowd Rachel and Fanny were bawling their eyes out, with Nigel running back and forth between them, handling out tissues. Mushi was blinking her eyes rapidly. Cree was standing near a window with her arms crossed, an uncharacteristically gentle expression on her face. Sonya was dabbing her eyes with her handkerchief, while beside her Lee was fidgeting for some odd reason. Mr. Beetles was leaning against a pillar, pride shining in his eyes. Mrs. Beetles was busily straightening Joey's tie, ignoring his embarrassed look and plaintive whispers of protest. Finally, Hoagie had a quiet smile on his face, his arm around a tearful Abby's shoulders.

Soon it was time to throw the bridal bouquet. Readying herself Kuki turned her back towards the crowd, raised her arms – and threw.

The bouquet sailed through the air, and many outstretched hands grabbed for it, causing it to bounce from one hand to the other. After half a minute it finally fell and landed into someone's hands.

…A _very_ surprised Sonya's hands.

The others surrounded the blushing girl, heartily congratulating her on her lucky catch. And then at that moment, as though he'd waited for this moment for a very long time, Lee turned to his girlfriend, retrieving a small box from his pocket. Opening it he revealed a glittering ring inside, and with his heart in his eyes he spoke two simple words:

"Marry me?"

Sonya's response was a stunned silence, followed by her flinging her arms around Lee and joyfully kissing him senseless.

Meanwhile Paddy and Tommy, slightly bruised and disheveled from their scuffle with Austin, were watching the whole thing from outside, through the window. "Aw, geez…" Paddy sniffed, wiping a tear from his eye at the sight of the new happy couple. "I'm just not good at this kind of thing."

Tommy sighed wistfully, his chin in his hands. "Man, I just _love_ happy endings," he said, and looking down at the helpless, worse-off and bound-and-gagged form of Austin Forrester that he was presently sitting on added, "Don't you?"

A death glare and a string of muffled curses was all he got in reply.

* * *

Author's Notes

After writing several 1x362 fics, I thought I'd try my hand at writing the fandom's most popular pairing – as well as a second shot at the 100 Theme challenge.

This is probably the fluffiest story I've ever written to date; my Romance muse worked overtime for this, especially with the 83x84 bit (which I just HAD to add in).

The inspiration to write this fic came when I came across 'Nerves', a picture by **OrionStorm** on Deviantart; she draws really good 3x4 pictures.

One has to admit, wedding days _are_ chaotic. And did you honestly believe I wouldn't let this one go through without at least _one_ obstacle?? (-smirks-)

I've always thought that 'Kani' and 'Genki' were nicknames, rather than real names.

With that aside, review if you'd like.


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